Sunday, October 30, 2011

Taylor Swift has NEVER seen Mean Girls

I just watched her video for "You Belong With Me" and I'd like to give some advice to our dear friend Taylor

(Here's the link (in case you haven't seen it):

  • :33 "If you want a boy to like you, pretend to be bad in math, have him tutor you, then make-out with him"
  • :42 unfriendly black hooties
  • :44 burnouts
  • :46 desperate wannabes
  • 1:19 "you're hair looks sexy pushed back"
  • 1:33 "get in loser were going shopping"
  • 1:39 "evil taylor swift was dangling hot boy in front of me like a piece of meat, i know how this would be settled in the animal world. RAWR, but this was girl world, all the fighting had to be sneaky."
  • 2:06 "sexually active band geeks"
  • 2:24 "If you're going to cheat on your boyfriend, do it every Thursday in the projection room above the auditorium not on the football field"
  • 2:45 "an excuse for not going to Spring Fling should be "I can't mathletes competetion" not "studying" what a prude-ish thing to say"
  • 3:07 "what are you wearing? where is your mathletes jacket with the leather sleeves?"
  • 3:23 "he's almost to gay to function"
  • 3:26 "grool"
  • 3:31 "made out with a hotdog!"
  • 3:37 "I'm so gonna steal one of her free copouns to the Walker Brother's Pancake House!"
There, now write a song called "i'm gonna beat a ho."


Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hocus Pocus

"and they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade"

"What does it say about me?

"you're not in it"

"Those bitches"

Friday, October 28, 2011

"and the sky was all violet"

"I told you from the start
Just how this would end
When I get what I want
I never want it again

Go on, take everything
Take everything
I want you to
Go on, take everything
Take everything
I want you to
Go on, take everything"


That's REAL angst. 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

What's your favorite scary movie?

"What do you want?"
"To see what your insides look like"

"That moment when you wake up and relize that the killer cut off all your hair-SMG"

"Have you checked the children?"

"Don't forget to set the alarm."

"Aud.Hep. The orignal scream queen."

"Run, bitch."


"Don't Honeymoon in the woods."

"Every 23rd spring,
for 23 days
it gets
to eat"

"How sweet. Dark Meat."

"Let's not go to summer camp this year..."

"Joan Crawford and Betty Davis, I don't even know which one I'm more scared of.."

"This is why I don't record myself sleeping."

".....and the worst. Beware of The Plastics."

"It's a to-go box..."

"You know, cause you're fucking my leftovers"

......and that's why I love Brooke Davis.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Study Hall Drank-ing game

I hate my study hall. SOOOOO much. everybody just talks and talks and it's really fucking annoying. So to make it more fun, I've thought of this fun little drinking game, of course I don't actually drink, but it's fun to think about how smashed I'd be if i were. okay, so here are the rules....

Take a shot every time...
  • The "teacher" says seprate
  • The "teacher" calls out somebody's name who didn't check it off on the fucking attendance sheet
  • everytime somebody gets a slip to the attendance office
  • every time the "teacher" just stares at the class in hopes they'll stop talking
  • anytime somebody gets moved for talking
  • anytime somebody asks to go to their locker, within the 1st 7 minutes of class
  • anytime you feel like setting yourself on fire
  • you're not drunk
and that's how it goes, if you don't have liver posioning by the end of class, you're doing it wrong.

I'd like to take this blog post to talk about Darth Maul. he has a double sided light-saber . fuck, that's cool.

well study hall is over. YEAH

Thursday, October 6, 2011

In 100 years, students will study the lyrical genius of Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse

So today in brit lit we were readign this sonnets or whatever. They were pretty odd and difficult to understand cause people in the 15th century had this thing about just coming out and saying to a girl "i want to fuck you.: so they had to be all complicated and confusing about it, which i guess worked? but it got me to think, what are people going to study from OUR generation? which gave me the conclusion that in 100 years, britney spears and amy winehouse will be in english textbooks across america, or whatever were calling ourselves then. here's just an example of how a clss discussion would go over it..

teacher: allright class, lets settle down and put our iphone 945 away. now did everybody read the poems "3" and "Lucky" last night?

*class looks around confused because time never changes and only 4 out of the 17 kids read it*

teacher: come on kids, this is calssic literature right here. Roover (BTW in the future people are going to have dog names and dogs are going to have people names. dont ask how it just will be that way) what was the poem "3" about?

Roover: IDK, counting?

teacher: no, no not at all, bow-wow?

Bow-wow: This chick wants to get it on with these two dudes?

teacher: very good bow-wow! yes, the song is about this unnamed character wanting to engage in sexual congress with two men. now lets look at the poem Lucky. Sir ruffington, what is this poem about.

Sir ruffington: a girl....and...she's.....lucky?

teacher; no. Mrs. waggy-tail?

Mrs. Waggy-tail: it's about this girl who has it all but still doesnt feel fullfilled in her life whcih leads her to the question, "why do these tears come at night?"

teacher: very good Mrs Waffy-tail! can anyone tell me WHY these tears might come at night? Mr. barkington?

Mr. Barkington: cause there's something, missing in her life.

teacher: CORRECT! good job guys, now the song were going to read in class today is by a poet of the similar time named "Ke$ha" the poem is take it off.

*the teacher reads take it off in that tone teachers use to read"

Teacher: allright, now let's look closely here. specifically the chourus. What are we taking off? and what is a hole in the wall? more importantly, is this song about drag queens? those are your questions for tonight's homework. that and read the poem on page 54 called "rehab" by Amy Winehouse, and why she said no, no, no. AND dont forget your paper on what a sk8er boi is is due NEXT tuesday.

i wish i lived in that time. id so get an A in that class.