Wednesday, December 21, 2011

bitches who i want to smack.

1. Nicki Mianj
2. Any bitch who feels the need to drive 10 miles under the speed limit on a highway
3. that damn jar of hearts girl
4............i think thats all?

Friday, December 16, 2011

"I got 99 problems, but a grinch ain't one"


Could you imagine? The most badass duo ever, The Grinch and Darth Vader.
I think Christmas on Hoth is going to be a wee bit dangerous this year.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

Lady Gaga < Everybody who's not her.....

I'm just going to say it. I can not STAND Lady GaGa. Allow me to explain before I get crucified.

There was a time, 2008-early 2010ish when Lady Gaga was possibly the best artist out there. The Fame Monster was a mind-blowing CD. Bad Romance? awsome. Telephone? AWESOME! Alejendro? yeah allright. but, then we got BORN THIS WAY......which, as quoted by her "will be the album of the decade." ( yeah, that was a load of crap. Here's how I can sum it up; Hookers, Free Expersion, over-the-top romances, and sex. Normally these are fine qualities to have in music, but it was awful. It was all auto-tuned and sounded as though it was produced on garage band. it was crap and I was so disappointed.

I'm also sick of every fucking thing she does being considered more artistic than roman coliseum. "Wow, she's in an egg. What a fashion statement along with a strong political messege."


and she thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread. NO.

and the next person you calls her the "Queen of Pop" will get my Britney Spears speech.

Speaking of which, what kind of ho releases a music video before Britney's BBDAY? trying to steal her thunder huh? you little bitch.

she's annoying.

so yeah.

"you're the the the the the....."

"the the the THE GRINCH!"

Every year I'm still shocked by the fact that Cindy Lou Who grew up to be Taylor Momsen.

Monday, November 21, 2011


It's just a giant bitch page.
People use it to complain about other people or other people complaining.
Girls use it as an excuse to have multiple photo albums of themselves, which is nothing but conceited and vein.
Nobody ever has status update that's any good
It's giving me a headache just thinking about having it pulled up in another browser.
Maybe I'll deactivate it?
yeah, it's not like i really use it?
plus, it's rather annoying and dumb.
Favorite Books? "I hate to read?"
Hate to read or just to dumb?
could you shut the fuck up?
hold on, somebody else has uploaded a picture of themself with a generic quote about making it through life.
"The hardest choices tend to be the best <3"
what the hell does that have to do with your bathroom mirror?
What possible major life decision could have been decided in your bathroom at 8:47 on a Monday?
"can we please keep it classy?"
why? you're about as classy as a vegas call-girl at 2 A.M
"the girls at harrison are just dirt bitches with no pride."
you're one of them
"your a dick"
oh, somebody uploaded another picture of themself
34 people like it
oh. my. god.
now it wont load
Facebook mobile was crafted with the hands of satan
now it loaded
why do i care?
I already checked that notification
please go away
you won't?
then I will.

This is what I hate

  1. This study hall
  2. these dumb school laptops that freeze anytime you have more than two screens up
  3. The people is this study hall
  4. This study hall
  5. French Class
  6. This study hall
  7. These school laptops
  8. this study hall
  9. this study hall
  10. this study hall
  11. this damn study hall
I really hate this study hall. SO MUCH. I've put on my grunge Pandora and will sit here in an angry angst untill that blissfull bell releases me from this captive hell.

Friday, November 18, 2011

How to be KStew

Step 1: hate the world
Step 2: hate yourself
Step 3: have higher expectations from the world than you should have so you have more reasons to be mad
Step 4: don't make any facial features, at all.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

high, I'm Courtney Love

1. Violet
2. Pretty on the Inside
3. Plump
4. Mrs. Jones
5. Dying
6. Awful
7. Jennifer's Body
8. Loaded
9. Gutless
10. Teenage Whore

I love Courntey Love and Hole. 

The worst part of learning a new langauge?

When you learn adjectives and the teachers just expect you to hate on Britney. Well I love her, It's Britney bitch.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

"Don't go chasing Waterfalls/No scrubs/Creep/Scrubs?other cliche TLC titles?"

"TLC is one of the defining threads in the caridgan that is the african american community. No matter how much you hate a bitch, Everybody loves TLC."
there ain't a bitch in the world that hates these women, yes women, not bitches. Classic 90s. Classic everything. Far to often i find mysefl resisting the urge to go up to groups of black girls in Wal-Mart and ask "Do you like the song Waterfalls by TLC?" yet i resist as much as I can. TLC is the bomb.

p.s- RIP lisa "left eye" lopes

I Love Caitlin Cooper


The baddest  classiest bitch. ever.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me, but i cant help it that im a Kardash.

 I am so  sick of all the Kim K hate. so here is my quote to all the Kimmie K haters....


"Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on."

"In another life, I would make you stay. So I don't have to say
you were the one that got away."

Cruel Intentions

What teens were doing on The UES in the 90s, before Gossip Girl. 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Oh Avril,

somehow you will always be able to identify with every single teen emotion, no matter how old you get

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Nicki Minaj is like ketchup...

alone, she is terrible.

but with somebody, she just makes it a little better.

"...and the worst. Beware of the plastics."

Remember the Cafeteria scene from Mean Girls? you know. Asian Nerds, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings. Well as i was talking with Julia this morning I decided that its time we update that list. Here are just a few new "lunch tables" that have emereged within the last few years or so..

  • Scene kidz who aren't scene
  • Pretty girls who drink Red Bull
  • Really happy blonde girls
  • Kids who obnxiously gage their ears
  • non-sad emo kids
  • phyiscally dirty girls
  • Mexican girls all named Maria.
  • attractive smart girls
  • girls who dress like high class prostitutes
  • hygienically challeneged kids
  • girls who think denim on denim is fashionable (this includes you jean jacket girl!)
and that's pretty much it.

p.s- this study hall has become an interment camp

those are just more groups needed to categorize this school of ours.

Monday, November 7, 2011

"haven't you heard?"

"I'm the crazy bitch around here."

I love Blair Cornelia Waldorff.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Taylor Swift has NEVER seen Mean Girls

I just watched her video for "You Belong With Me" and I'd like to give some advice to our dear friend Taylor

(Here's the link (in case you haven't seen it):

  • :33 "If you want a boy to like you, pretend to be bad in math, have him tutor you, then make-out with him"
  • :42 unfriendly black hooties
  • :44 burnouts
  • :46 desperate wannabes
  • 1:19 "you're hair looks sexy pushed back"
  • 1:33 "get in loser were going shopping"
  • 1:39 "evil taylor swift was dangling hot boy in front of me like a piece of meat, i know how this would be settled in the animal world. RAWR, but this was girl world, all the fighting had to be sneaky."
  • 2:06 "sexually active band geeks"
  • 2:24 "If you're going to cheat on your boyfriend, do it every Thursday in the projection room above the auditorium not on the football field"
  • 2:45 "an excuse for not going to Spring Fling should be "I can't mathletes competetion" not "studying" what a prude-ish thing to say"
  • 3:07 "what are you wearing? where is your mathletes jacket with the leather sleeves?"
  • 3:23 "he's almost to gay to function"
  • 3:26 "grool"
  • 3:31 "made out with a hotdog!"
  • 3:37 "I'm so gonna steal one of her free copouns to the Walker Brother's Pancake House!"
There, now write a song called "i'm gonna beat a ho."


Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hocus Pocus

"and they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade"

"What does it say about me?

"you're not in it"

"Those bitches"

Friday, October 28, 2011

"and the sky was all violet"

"I told you from the start
Just how this would end
When I get what I want
I never want it again

Go on, take everything
Take everything
I want you to
Go on, take everything
Take everything
I want you to
Go on, take everything"


That's REAL angst. 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

What's your favorite scary movie?

"What do you want?"
"To see what your insides look like"

"That moment when you wake up and relize that the killer cut off all your hair-SMG"

"Have you checked the children?"

"Don't forget to set the alarm."

"Aud.Hep. The orignal scream queen."

"Run, bitch."


"Don't Honeymoon in the woods."

"Every 23rd spring,
for 23 days
it gets
to eat"

"How sweet. Dark Meat."

"Let's not go to summer camp this year..."

"Joan Crawford and Betty Davis, I don't even know which one I'm more scared of.."

"This is why I don't record myself sleeping."

".....and the worst. Beware of The Plastics."

"It's a to-go box..."

"You know, cause you're fucking my leftovers"

......and that's why I love Brooke Davis.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Study Hall Drank-ing game

I hate my study hall. SOOOOO much. everybody just talks and talks and it's really fucking annoying. So to make it more fun, I've thought of this fun little drinking game, of course I don't actually drink, but it's fun to think about how smashed I'd be if i were. okay, so here are the rules....

Take a shot every time...
  • The "teacher" says seprate
  • The "teacher" calls out somebody's name who didn't check it off on the fucking attendance sheet
  • everytime somebody gets a slip to the attendance office
  • every time the "teacher" just stares at the class in hopes they'll stop talking
  • anytime somebody gets moved for talking
  • anytime somebody asks to go to their locker, within the 1st 7 minutes of class
  • anytime you feel like setting yourself on fire
  • you're not drunk
and that's how it goes, if you don't have liver posioning by the end of class, you're doing it wrong.

I'd like to take this blog post to talk about Darth Maul. he has a double sided light-saber . fuck, that's cool.

well study hall is over. YEAH

Thursday, October 6, 2011

In 100 years, students will study the lyrical genius of Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse

So today in brit lit we were readign this sonnets or whatever. They were pretty odd and difficult to understand cause people in the 15th century had this thing about just coming out and saying to a girl "i want to fuck you.: so they had to be all complicated and confusing about it, which i guess worked? but it got me to think, what are people going to study from OUR generation? which gave me the conclusion that in 100 years, britney spears and amy winehouse will be in english textbooks across america, or whatever were calling ourselves then. here's just an example of how a clss discussion would go over it..

teacher: allright class, lets settle down and put our iphone 945 away. now did everybody read the poems "3" and "Lucky" last night?

*class looks around confused because time never changes and only 4 out of the 17 kids read it*

teacher: come on kids, this is calssic literature right here. Roover (BTW in the future people are going to have dog names and dogs are going to have people names. dont ask how it just will be that way) what was the poem "3" about?

Roover: IDK, counting?

teacher: no, no not at all, bow-wow?

Bow-wow: This chick wants to get it on with these two dudes?

teacher: very good bow-wow! yes, the song is about this unnamed character wanting to engage in sexual congress with two men. now lets look at the poem Lucky. Sir ruffington, what is this poem about.

Sir ruffington: a girl....and...she's.....lucky?

teacher; no. Mrs. waggy-tail?

Mrs. Waggy-tail: it's about this girl who has it all but still doesnt feel fullfilled in her life whcih leads her to the question, "why do these tears come at night?"

teacher: very good Mrs Waffy-tail! can anyone tell me WHY these tears might come at night? Mr. barkington?

Mr. Barkington: cause there's something, missing in her life.

teacher: CORRECT! good job guys, now the song were going to read in class today is by a poet of the similar time named "Ke$ha" the poem is take it off.

*the teacher reads take it off in that tone teachers use to read"

Teacher: allright, now let's look closely here. specifically the chourus. What are we taking off? and what is a hole in the wall? more importantly, is this song about drag queens? those are your questions for tonight's homework. that and read the poem on page 54 called "rehab" by Amy Winehouse, and why she said no, no, no. AND dont forget your paper on what a sk8er boi is is due NEXT tuesday.

i wish i lived in that time. id so get an A in that class.

Friday, September 30, 2011

"There's a hole in the wall it's a dirty free for all."

So I actually did all my english homework (yay!) and have time to do a quick blog about pre-cal. We had a test this morning. I most likely failed it, cause math is dumb. It was over like, assmatoes (that is so spelt wrong) and X and Y intercepts. Through "learning" about this stuff we always had the topic of holes in the graph coming up. In case you're wondering, there is a hole in the graph when factors of the numerator and denominator cancel out (whadd up!?!) so as you may have guessed from above everytime the question "find the hole in the graph" comes up on a quiz, test or when i seldomly do it, my homework, the only thing I can thiknk of is take it off by k$. "There's a hole in the wall it's a diry free  for all" and  basically it gets stuck in my head and all i want to do is sing it. but i cant cause were in school. but i love this song, just for its obvious reasons. and also have you seen the video? she's in an old pool and people are turning into like, sand glitter or whatever. It's just so awesome.
OH and i take the SAT tomorrow, or rather, I find out how dumb I am because let's face it. The SAT is created by a bunch of bitches who don't have anything better to do.
seriously, the find faults with everything. aside from the fact the math problems are IMPOSSIBLE, the english section is the worst. You have to guess like a mofo. Like this sentence "Demetria and Sarcandra went to the grocery yesterday to buy milk for their grandmother who was dying." think there's nothing wrong with it, right? WRONG. there is, cant you tell it should be were going to the grocery store and not went? cause that just makes sense, duh. even though the sentence was perfectly understood to me. and the choose the werdiest names for people, so it throws your focus off and all you can think is "what awful parents would actually name their child that?"

Monday, September 26, 2011

You can tell Jesus, that the bitch is back.

So as you may have guessed from my tittle, Gossip Girl is back tonight. Which I'm excited for, but also very disappointed in myself. I mean I'm 18, why am i still watching this show? it's like Pretty Little Liars all over again! It's still  a good show that has it's hella dramatic moments, like last season when Chuck smashed that window when he was yelling at Blair and that little piece of glass grazed her check and she started to bleed. fuck it was intense. or when they showed us Serena's flashback to boarding school and she was drunk and dancing to Crank That by Soulja Boy. ahhhhhhhh season 4. I miss JHump (jenny) she may have been a gross racoon whore who slept with chuck, but she setill added something to the show that's hard to replace.

WHERE IS KE$HA!?! it's been months and I haven't heard a damn thing from her! I looked on wikipedia and she isn't dead. She finisehd her Get Sleezey tour (I'm so pissed she cancelled her Indy concert...) I miss her and her cleverly dumb lyrics. Like, what is a hole in the wall? and how hardcore do they go? and what excatly is "it" that one is suppose to take off? according to wikipedia she's working on a new album, but this chick needs to release something soon or I'll lose intrest. We're talking a sould 4-5 month window here K$. Don't pulla GaGa and have me wait FOREVER for something new and promise me it'll be "the album of the decade" and then have it suck. Born this way? more like, you're a lying bitch who shouldn't be alllowed to preform every again, ever. Don't fuck it up, k$.

book wise, I finished The Beautiful and Dammned. It was pretty good. basically a lot of shit happpens. Anothony gets drafted to the army and has an affair with this chick named dot and then he kills her and Gloria breaks up with him, he inherts his millions and buys a boat blaw, blaw, know how it goes.

speaking of scandals! Desperate Housewives! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! that was so awesome last night!
*spoilers after this point, but seriously, do you even care*
So all the girls went and buried Alejeadro,Gabby's step-father who raped her, in the woods. It was pretty bad ass. cause before that Gabby was all crying cause Carlos killed him and she was like "my husband will have to go to jail" and Bree was all "that won't happen." and that moment was so fucking bad-ass cause Carlos found out Bree's son Andrew had ran over and killed carlos's mother in season 1 and carlos was all pissed at her and was going to send her to jail. So that moment was like, so awesome. I think about it now and am getting goosebumps! oh it was good! and susan is all emo now. Which I'm fine with, I've wanted that bitch to die since like, season 3. Lynette and Tom are  getting divorced and it's so sad! they were the happiest couple out there! and where the heck are Bob and Lee!?! anyways, at the end of the episode Bree is walking home with her new cop boyfriend and she notices her mailbox is open and there's a letter inside of it. I mean we all knew what was going to happen as soon as we saw the mail box open, but she opened it and it said:

"I know what you did.
It makes me sick.
I'm going to tell."
after that scene I was all like "HOLY FUCK! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT!" but yeah, that's why i didn't do my pre-cal homework and why i most likely failed the test, whatever. Math is dumb.

okay, i think thats all....

also, It made me really happy to see Liz blogging, it made me feel less lame to know that SOMEBODY else is blogging.

well there's still twenty minutes left in this god-awful study hall.....
I'm so exicted for Christmas this year (Xmas for short.) Like oh my god. Hot Coca, CANDY CANE GRAMS, jingle bell rock, old 40s and 50s xmas songs, BLACK FRIDAY, possibly a ke$ha xmas song? I'm so exicted! I'm going to buy Xmas sweaters and watch The..the..the..the... THE GRINCH! can anybody else Belive Taylor Momsen was Cindy Lou Who!?! It's hard to belive THAT turned it THHAT

plus 12 years


This is what happens when we don't enforce reading enough in public schools!

BACK TO XMAS! I'm so excited for it! mostly cause I LOVE THE MOVIE ELF! and Zooey Deschannel is in it, I know Liz thinks that's her worst role, but I mean come on, Did you SEE Bridge to Terabithia?  AND all the XMAS episodes of FRIENDS and HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER! and Chirismukah on The OC! I wish i had some Xmas music on my Ipod, but I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry is good enough, right? oh my god i want hot chocolate, or those one cookies. I WANNA DECORATE A CHRISTMAS TREE! I want to celebrate Xmas with k$, Regina George, Darth Vader, and all the Harry Potter characters, minus Ron cause he's a cotton head ninimuggins. CHIRSTMAS.
fuck thanksgiving, that hoilday is dumb. I hate it, personally. I mean we eat and then what? I don't even like turkey that much, and mashed potatoes are nasty. let's skip Thanksgiving and go straight for CHRISTMAS.

oh look the bell's going to ring.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

They were real that day i wore a vest! BECAUSETHATVESTWASDISGUSTING.


Here is litterally an in-depth analysis of my day, you might get an idea of how my mind works, but really, my mind is like this big-ass long myspace chain mail that never fucking ends......

I wake up every morning at 4:46, but dont get out of bed till like 6. It takes a long ass time for me to wake up. Every day i have a diffrent song i wake up to. Some days are more set in stone then others but there is
Sk8er Boi Tuesday, What The Hell Wednesydays, and Complicated fridays. The rest are a dirty free for all.
After i wake up I get fresh and go upstairs. I grab myself some juicy juice and drink it cause juicy juice is fucking delicious. then i drive to school and do school stuff like learn about math, dinosaurs and spanish and shit. I equally hate all my classes the same (excpet theatre arts cause its fun) but the one i hate the most is french. cause freshman are idiots. Like not even kidding, its not that hard to put your name on your paper and not talk when directions are being given. Plus they're all ridick. immature. Like today this one kid was like "dude, wouldnt it be cool if they made an after school club that taught you curse words in other languages!?" if my eyes rolled back any further in my head, id be fucking blind as a bat. but id be okay with that cause bats use echo-location and echo-location is the shit.

 I walk through the halls a lot at school and ive made a list of the top  8 things i think about the most in the halls.

1. Gossip Girl or Pretty Little Liars
2. How sweet It'd be in Buffy came in right now and slayed a bunch of vamps.
3. My classy Fitzgerald novels and what shits gonna go down next.
4. Some dramatic event just transpired and Amy Winehouse songs are playing in my head.
5. how much i miss The OC
6. It's snowing and we get a half day.
7. Does she even go here?
8. This place ISNT Hogwarts

Sometimes, i get bored during class and ask to use the restroom. I dont actually have to use the restroom cause our restrooms are fucking nasty. but i like to roam the hallways and pretend im regina geroge or some other bitch and im about to ruin some lives or cause some  drama.

Then after school i practicipate in my constructive after school programs. After these constructive programs i get into my car (Which has like, four names and i cant think of one to settle on.......) and blair some music. If it's been a rough day i like to listen to "Don't let me get me" by P!NK. cause that song is tragically beautiful. Or if im ticked ill blast my scream-o mix. other than that it's a wide choice of what i might listen to. Avril, Amy, Black Soul pandora? WHO KNOWS! im in control!

i go home and take a nap cause im sleepy. then i do all my hmwk, minus pre-cal cause i just dont get that shit at all. Like seriously, math is dumb, and i dont care how uneducated and dumb that sounds it is.

then i sleep....or blog.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

You can put a pig in make-up but you can't disguise a skank

So for the past few days I've been thinking how great it would be to be whore. Not your classy "a whore is for private" whore, but your "that girl needs structure and jesus" kinda whore. There (notice how i spelt their wrong, cause whore rule number 1 is ignore basic rules of grammer while online) lives seem so simple and relaxed. So this is how my day would go if I were a ho.

I'd wake up literally five minutes before I had to leave for school. After a long ass night of myspacing this whore is tired and needs her beauty-ass sleep. After my alarm goes off I finally roll out of bed (literally.) I walk over to my closet that is over-flowwing with PINK clothing and heels. I look at my shoe pile and need to chose either my black converse sneakers that look like they got gang-banged by an elephant or my sandals that look like they got hate-fucked by Charlie Sheen. I choose the sandals, tying shoes is just too much work. I throw on my classy ass sandals and pull my plaid jammie pants as high up as they go. I decide i should change out of the gross wife-beater tank top I have on and put on something a little more classy. I pick the shirt with Lil Wayne on the front.OH and i can't forget my jacket. Nevermind that it's 95 degrees outside. After I've gotten fresh and went downstairs, I grab my breakfast of champs. Doriotos and RedBull. This whores gotta stay alert! I walk to the very nice car my parents bought me because they had high hopes for me. HA losers! I pull out of the drive-way, running over a bitch or two, and speed off to school blarring some awful rap song that nobody's ever heard of. Cause not only am I a classy as fuck whore, I'm a hipster too. I look at the clock and relize its 7:23. I don't have to be at school for like ever! So i deicde to grab a Micky D's Sweet Tea. Cause It's says "don't be fooled by the fact I'm wearing my dad's pajamas I'm drinking tea, which makes me classy." I arrive at school and grab my garbage of folders and earth science book from my car. Even though I'm a senior. I'm still in earth science, this shit is just to difficult to understand, twice. Its 7:27 and I have about three minutes to talk to my "friends" after we talk shit about all of our bestfriends and what happened on Jersey Shore, I finally walk over to my earth science class. Which when people ask me what it's about I respond with "I dun-oh how rocks fuck and shit." (I'm not lying, I HAVE heard that before.) So after about seven minutes of learning how rocks do it. I fall asleep on my desk. Nevermind the fact I just had a redbull and half a sweet tea, I'm tired and school sucks. After I wake up from my rockin' nap (get it?) I go about the rest of my day. Which is pretty much the same as earth science. staying awake for like seven minutes, then falling asleep on-top of my book and folder and eating Cherrios or some sort of breakfast cereal from a plastic baggie. Finally after my Algebra semester 2 class I'm taking for the fifth time, It's time for lunch. Which consists for me of; three cookies, a propel, a pop-tart, and some sort of stratchy potato substance. After my healthly lunch, It's time for more Algebra! and by Algebra I mean nap, come on you saw my lunch I'm fucking tired. Even though I drank half my friends monster. After some more class periods of sleeping and getting sent to ISS for sleeping by tenth hour I'm FINALLY woken up. Which is great cause it's study hall and I gotta text my whores and talk about my dramatic life with complete strangers. I tell them how "dis du' I like named Nick be acting like a DICK to me all the time, n  we hu'g dis weecn and went to Shalya's partay and I was all grinden on dat dude and dis slut name Kim all came up and jacked him from me so i threw a punch at dat C U Next Tuesday and gave her a black eye and bloody tuufh. Then some bitch call the cops and I hadda sit in jail for battery, assault, underage drinking and breaking and entering cause the party was at this girls friend's neighbor's house and she diden evn knaw. So then my step-dad bails me out of jail. It was so retarded." then the bell rings and I go home and sleep, wake up at like 9. drink a red-bull. eat cake. get on myspace. watch MTV. fight with my boyfran. sleep. do it all again tomorow.