Wednesday, September 7, 2011

You can put a pig in make-up but you can't disguise a skank

So for the past few days I've been thinking how great it would be to be whore. Not your classy "a whore is for private" whore, but your "that girl needs structure and jesus" kinda whore. There (notice how i spelt their wrong, cause whore rule number 1 is ignore basic rules of grammer while online) lives seem so simple and relaxed. So this is how my day would go if I were a ho.

I'd wake up literally five minutes before I had to leave for school. After a long ass night of myspacing this whore is tired and needs her beauty-ass sleep. After my alarm goes off I finally roll out of bed (literally.) I walk over to my closet that is over-flowwing with PINK clothing and heels. I look at my shoe pile and need to chose either my black converse sneakers that look like they got gang-banged by an elephant or my sandals that look like they got hate-fucked by Charlie Sheen. I choose the sandals, tying shoes is just too much work. I throw on my classy ass sandals and pull my plaid jammie pants as high up as they go. I decide i should change out of the gross wife-beater tank top I have on and put on something a little more classy. I pick the shirt with Lil Wayne on the front.OH and i can't forget my jacket. Nevermind that it's 95 degrees outside. After I've gotten fresh and went downstairs, I grab my breakfast of champs. Doriotos and RedBull. This whores gotta stay alert! I walk to the very nice car my parents bought me because they had high hopes for me. HA losers! I pull out of the drive-way, running over a bitch or two, and speed off to school blarring some awful rap song that nobody's ever heard of. Cause not only am I a classy as fuck whore, I'm a hipster too. I look at the clock and relize its 7:23. I don't have to be at school for like ever! So i deicde to grab a Micky D's Sweet Tea. Cause It's says "don't be fooled by the fact I'm wearing my dad's pajamas I'm drinking tea, which makes me classy." I arrive at school and grab my garbage of folders and earth science book from my car. Even though I'm a senior. I'm still in earth science, this shit is just to difficult to understand, twice. Its 7:27 and I have about three minutes to talk to my "friends" after we talk shit about all of our bestfriends and what happened on Jersey Shore, I finally walk over to my earth science class. Which when people ask me what it's about I respond with "I dun-oh how rocks fuck and shit." (I'm not lying, I HAVE heard that before.) So after about seven minutes of learning how rocks do it. I fall asleep on my desk. Nevermind the fact I just had a redbull and half a sweet tea, I'm tired and school sucks. After I wake up from my rockin' nap (get it?) I go about the rest of my day. Which is pretty much the same as earth science. staying awake for like seven minutes, then falling asleep on-top of my book and folder and eating Cherrios or some sort of breakfast cereal from a plastic baggie. Finally after my Algebra semester 2 class I'm taking for the fifth time, It's time for lunch. Which consists for me of; three cookies, a propel, a pop-tart, and some sort of stratchy potato substance. After my healthly lunch, It's time for more Algebra! and by Algebra I mean nap, come on you saw my lunch I'm fucking tired. Even though I drank half my friends monster. After some more class periods of sleeping and getting sent to ISS for sleeping by tenth hour I'm FINALLY woken up. Which is great cause it's study hall and I gotta text my whores and talk about my dramatic life with complete strangers. I tell them how "dis du' I like named Nick be acting like a DICK to me all the time, n  we hu'g dis weecn and went to Shalya's partay and I was all grinden on dat dude and dis slut name Kim all came up and jacked him from me so i threw a punch at dat C U Next Tuesday and gave her a black eye and bloody tuufh. Then some bitch call the cops and I hadda sit in jail for battery, assault, underage drinking and breaking and entering cause the party was at this girls friend's neighbor's house and she diden evn knaw. So then my step-dad bails me out of jail. It was so retarded." then the bell rings and I go home and sleep, wake up at like 9. drink a red-bull. eat cake. get on myspace. watch MTV. fight with my boyfran. sleep. do it all again tomorow.