Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Wish my life were a Sassy WB drama...

SO lately I’ve been reading this book by F. Scott Fitzgerald called “The Beautiful and Damned.”  I pretty much bought it because I needed something to read/I liked The Great Gatsby. So I doubt I’m reading it “Correctly” or whatever, but I’m enjoying how I’m reading it cause I think it makes it all the more fun. So let me lay the story down…

There’s this guy named Anthony Patch and he’s single and ready to mingle. He lives alone in this big ass apartment that’s friggin decked with the nicest stuff, only all the ever seem to focus on is his bathtub. Seriously, like five times he’s had “deep meditation” while bathing himself. So he has these two friends named Mauray and Dick. Mauray is kinda like his drinking buddy who encourages him to do bad things, and Dick is this lame aspiring writer or whatever. So one day Anthony and Maurary are chilling at Maurauy’s place when Maurary’s cousin Gloria comes stumbling thorugh the door like she own the damn place. Now Gloria is a skank and the main female protagonist in this story. So after a brief look at this drunken mess Anthony decides he loves her. So for like the next fourty-eight pages Anthony is all “Gloria, Gloria, why don’t you love me?!?” so then after fourty-nine pages, Anthony finally grows a pair and asks Gloria out. So they go on this boat trip or whatever and Gloria talks about the following; Herself, Her sexcapes, movies, her vag. So then one day Anthony is hanging out with Mauray and Gloria comes strolling in again with her two BFFs. I think there names were like Jessica and Trinni or something like that. So basicallay trinni is this little hipster bitch who thinks shes a vampire (yes, she seriously thinks shes a vampire) and Jessica is this sad little wannabe, The Gretchen Weiners of the novel. After being introduced to Gloria’s “Fraends” Anthony finds Gloria in the kitchen. There’s some dialogue about how she went out with some other guy and how Anthony likes her and blaw,blaw,blaw….pretty much he dry humps the fuck out of her on top of a stove. Then after their 3 and a half minutes of lusty love, they decide to get married. So those crazy kids get all married and junk and honeymoon all up and down New England. They go to a zoo and there’s some anology about Humans and cages or whatever. Then they do it in the zoo. They go to this Nazi Civil War guy’s house and make-out on the stairs. They do it in the car. Pretty much their sucking each others faces every page and it’s written in a way that’s difficult to comprehend “Anthony slowly brazed the thigh of Gloria’s face whilst she wimpired with pleasure.” Cant you just say he wanted to ride that like a Nimbuss 2000? Well after their sex-filled honeymoon it’s time for them to return to the real world. Where some boring stuff happens. They go to random balls and movies and fight all the time over striped stuff. Then we find out Gloria’s so pregnant! And that’s where ive left off. But yeah as you can see it’s a very complex novel full off multiple plot deivces, irony, and steamy Titainc love-making scenes.

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